If Sarah Palin ever again becomes relevent enough for this to be a fun blog then I think I will put a bullet in my face before I turn on the lap top.
Either way if you care you can follow our real tumborgs
So, I woke up from what I assumed was a one-day whiskey and soda binge only to find out it had actually been a three day vodka and hot wings apocalypse. I guess around mid-day on the 4th I was totally in control. I couldn’t drive, but I was totally ready to speak or whatever else. Actually, I probably could have done some simple highway driving, whatever. So John is like, “I remain confident that we have a shot at this”, which I took to mean “it’s in the bag”…so, of course, I hit the bottle in celebration. The next thing I knew I was upside down wearing sneakers and running slacks I had never seen before in two inches of water looking out at a field of the most vibrant, beautiful colors I’d ever seen. Pretty intense.
I later learned that several of John’s aides slipped me enough PCP to take down an Asian elephant and I was actually in a parking lot in Tempe, looking at an Allergra billboard and weeping uncontrollably. Anyway, I’m coming down in an internet cafe right now and getting funny looks so I am going to jet, but I just wanted everyone to know I am ok. I’ll probably end up trying to run for president on my own next year.
Everyone is saying we had a bad day because we pulled our campaign out of Michigan and I lost the debate but that is all, frankly, BS! Firstly of all we pulled our campaign out of Michigan because everyone there is a total herb. Every time we went there we tried to have fun and everyone in that whole damned state goes to bed at 10:30, I swear! To me that is un-American. We were like come on Ann Arbor let’s rage! and they were all … “maybe next week”. So we were like “FINE! fuck you! we are going to Ohio”
Also, I really have to call foul on all the talk about me losing the debate. What debate were you even watching? Did you see me wink? I didn’t see it, but from my perspective I saw Americas hears melt in my fucking hands! Also I did that whole debate thing drunk. That’s right I drunk debated. I seriously don’t give a fuck. It’s like, I came here to have a good time and Biden came to be boring and make people fall asleep. I got news for you Joe this is TELEVISION! You have to be sassy or people will click away.
I don’t understand why people can’t just agree on this whole “dinosaurs and people” ordeal. I’m sorry, but there is NO such thing as 10,000 years ago, let alone 65 million. Come ON, you guys!
I am trying to study foreign policy, but it is soooo boring. How am I supposed to read all of this?
I finally uploaded my pics from the NIN show. My buddies all wanted me to go, and after they assured me that Trent Reznor isn’t a homosexual, I was totally in. I had such a wicked crazy time, I don’t even know where to start!
This weekend was so crazy! I am so not into theme parties, so I just threw on some fur (that’s viking enough, right?) for this shindig my buddies were having. Until yesterday, I thought that “vikings” were some weird ancient people that used to live in Alaska or maybe around Seattle, but apparently they are from somewhere called Scandinavia. Where the eff is that?
